Week 11: Interpersonal Influences

This week's readings seem to blame portable technology for dwindling social interaction.  The Pew Research study on Cell Phone Usage in Social Settings made a clear distinction between age and perception of inconsiderate cell phone usage.  Perhaps because the 65+ group grew up with more face-to-face interpersonal time, they obviously saw cell phone use as negatively impacting gatherings. While I'm not 65, I find myself annoyed by that same thing.  I invariably have to reprimand each of my children to put their phones away so that we can talk about the day's events.  

My in-laws just left after an eight day visit from Michigan. When I told my 12 year old son that they were coming, he said, "Great.  Now we have to sit around and chat the whole time they're here." That's pretty sad, actually.  When did "chatting" become a punishment?  When did it become inconvenient and boring to hear about the lives of people you love?  Is it because we have to do it real time and make an effort to appear engaged and not multi-task with things we find more enjoyable?  We can't ignore it, and it requires an immediate response. We have to dig deep and use non-verbal communication and real listening skills.  It's not selective. So it's more difficult to "chat" than to text.

Like it or not, communicating via cell phone is the new norm.  I don't think the issue is confined to pulling out a cell phone at a boring event.  I think it's a breakdown in our communication skills altogether.  Our over-scheduled days, followed by long commutes and endless classes/practices/events have made it so that we - as a society - don't talk as often, or as intimately, as we once did. In my family, for example, we don't ever sit down for dinner together, for the reasons listed above - classes, practices, appointments.  Because our schedules are so out of sync we've come to rely on text messages for status updates.  "What time will you be home?" "Will you be eating dinner here?" How late is practice tonight?" When we DO have a sit down dinner (usually at a restaurant) the silence is painful.  My family knows better than to use their phones while we're out, but I can't NOT see their eyes longingly fixed on their phones. Was I so bored at family outings that I would have been grateful for the opportunity for a diversion?  Probably. 

                                                     

There are undeniably wonderful uses for technology.  My geographically separated family can share pictures.  I can text my son that I will be 10 minutes late picking him up without fear of interrupting class.  I can keep my calendar up to date.  I can send a quick message to a friend during a meeting just to let her know I'm thinking of her.  But what have we sacrificed as we have migrated to phone communication?

The article titled, "The likely cause of addiction has been discovered, and it's not what you think" explains a lot.  If, as The Huffington Post article alludes, addiction arises from a need for social connection, then it makes sense that our digital youth are experiencing record substance abuse problems.  

Youth transitioning into adulthood have some of the highest rates of alcohol and substance abuse. For instance, rates of binge drinking (drinking five or more drinks on a single occasion) in 2014 were:

• 28.5% for people ages 18 to 20
• 43.3% for people ages 21 to 25 (SAMHSA.gov)

Is the lack of face-to-face interpersonal communication to blame for increasing addition in our youth people? Is it because they aren't making connection that they are filling the gap with dangerous, addictive behaviors?

According to the Center on Media and Child Health:  

 

Learning how to connect with others through building and maintaining friendships and relationships is an important part of the development process. Children and teens use a variety of media to connect with friends, family, and acquaintances, from social media applications such as Facebook and Twitter to texting and video chat. Research shows that children learn how to interact from the media they consume, including TV, movies and video games. While many media can help strengthen the connections children and teens have in real life, they can also prevent the formation of deep, meaningful relationships that often require shared real-life experiences.

How can media use affect social connections?

Many books, TV shows, movies, video games, and songs tell stories about how people interact with others, which can affect how children and teens believe they should behave. Additionally, media change the way we connect with others; they can help maintain and deepen relationships, or in some cases, distract us from being in the moment with the people physically with us. Currently, the link between children’s media use and their relationships is largely due to the following:

• Video games can contribute to both prosocial and negative behaviors, depending on the content of the game being played. Non-violent games can lead to children being more helpful and prosocial in general, while violent-games can lead to children being less empathetic, less helpful, and more hurtful towards others.
• Television can play an important role in demonstrating social interactions to young children, again depending on the content. Children who watch television shows that illustrate prosocial behavior (such as Sesame Street) can be more altruistic (caring about others), which more violent television shows can lead to hostility and aggression in youth.
• Social media can improve family relationships. Online friendships (whether through social media, texting, or other apps) can be used to enhance offline friendships, as opposed to replacing them. Teens who overshare on social media or through texting may experience regret, and using technology for social purposes may result in them missing out on face-to-face communication opportunities.
• Cyberbullying can affect children, teens, and their family and friends in a variety of negative ways, and can happen through social media, text, email, and many other websites and apps. See our Cyberbullying page for more information.

The fact that such a center exists at a national level speaks to the social dangers facing our children.  We, as parents, have to set firm boundaries and set good examples to our children on how to use technology and its associated social media responsibly.  

When my daughter was 13, we got her a cell phone.  And we did it for the worst possible reason: she was the only one in her class that didn't have one.  Not wanting her to be a social pariah,  we capitulated and gave her a tool that would eventually cause her to be cyber bullied.  Wouldn't we all have been better off talking to her about why she was too young for one, and how to use it responsibly, and how to filter "fake friends"?  There benefit would have been twofold:  we would have had an actual,  face-to-face conversation about an important social and personal issue, and we would have given her betters guidelines on how to use technology properly.